When I was like 7 or 8, I told my grandma, she pretty much raised me by the way, I turned to her and said..”Abuela, I want to have kids when I’m older and I finish my career.”
and she smiled and said, “good! That’s good!”
“Yes, but I don’t want to get married.”
And maaann..you should’ve seen the look on that little old mexican lady’s face.
She was so upset! But she really wasnt mad at me, she just did not understand at all. I remember that she nervously laughed it off and continued sewing something as I watched her.
And as I sit here, looking at some thread I purchased for a hoop art project I’ve decided to start, it all just came back to me. That ridiculously hot summer day, no air con, just a tiny fan, and my grandmother’s wrinkled forehead as she sat there.. questioning my sanity.
But in my 8yr old mind, it was simple:
Men caused heartache. Men hurt. Men abused. Men lied and cheated. Men put down women. Men didnt love.
Eliminate the man in the equation, and bam! Perfect scenario.
I definitely have always known that I want children. I’ve always known that I want to adopt. I know what it’s like to feel unloved by your parents. And I have more than enough love to give.
I never dreamt of weddings and happily ever afters.
I didnt see a reason for it.
It’s probably also why I never dated.
I mean, what for, right?
..And along comes Brian, right on time, right after God has dealt with my heart and healed it. God’s timing is simply insane. Always has been. Always will be.
He is still healing my heart, it’s an ongoing process.. but by the time Brian and I met, I had learned to forgive. I let go of the bitterness and hatred that poisoned my heart from such a young age due to years of abuse and neglect.
So much of me changed.
Now, I daydream about marriage.
I love intensely.
And all I do is thank God for giving me a new heart, capable of giving and receiving love.
No workout? It’s okay. Eat 2,600 calories? It’s okay. Eat 2,600 calories without workout? It’s okay. Eat cake? It’s okay. Eat cookies? It’s okay. Eat lots and lots and lots and lots of chocolate? Sexy time.
sexy time indeed.
daaaang i just read over an essay i wrote comparing Gotham to Sodom and Gomorrah and it is some seriously good writing like shoot dang
i mean i never like complimenting my own work but this was like from two years ago and i’m really impressed with past me
also i distinctly remember this was the best essay to write because all of my research consisted of reading comic books, talking to comic book fanatics, and watching the Chris Nolan trilogy.
gosh dang, girl. i want to hug and high five you.
Jesus sat down and ate with sinners, prostitutes and tax-collectors, did he not?
Doesn’t mean he approved of what they were doing, but it also didn’t keep Him from loving them.